Memories that Trigger Pain in Marriage

I had something happen this morning which directly relates to a painful part of my marriage. Due to the journey over the past decade and my training, I do have the skills, habits and faith needed to tackle these moments (which I am about to explain :P), however through sharing this, it will remind you that mentors are still human! By becoming real and raw with you, I hope you will feel encouraged! You are not alone!

“By becoming real and raw with you, I hope you will feel encouraged!”

This morning as I scrolled Facebook, I saw someone share a loving post with the date stamped September 2014: immediate trigger! September 2014, was a time when I nearly lost my marriage, my child and my health all in one foul swoop. Here we are five years later in September of 2019, I have a thriving marriage, I am seeing miracles take place in my health and I have not just one child but now two! You would think that it is natural to just be thankful for what God has restored and healed, but the fact is, we are all still human. In order to heal from the pain of my past marriage woes, it takes intentionality with taking thoughts captive.

Over five years, I have continued to grow my mind muscle and take thoughts captive, yet the triggers are still there! I share this to remind you that this is an ongoing skill that needs to be practiced.

Memories are a trigger because it evokes emotions that are attached to them and emotions bring pain. I saw that date stamp and immediately in my mind thought about ALL those many painful memories. As these thoughts flooded my mind, I took notice and started to control my thoughts instead of let them control me!

“I took notice and started to control my thoughts instead of let them control me!”

The way I controlled my thoughts was through processing each one and refocusing. For example, the IMMEDIATE refocusing phrase I use often in taking thoughts captive is to tell myself, “this is the past, praise God for what has been restored and healed”. I also speak scripture that comes to mind such as;

2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”.

If we are making our thought obedient to Christ, then we must also remember Philippians 4:8 which says;

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things”.

As I focused on the above (focused on God and not the world = pain), I was able to let the pain attached to memory to fade away.

So I want to leave with you a couple questions today — what are you drawing your mind towards today? Are you taking your thoughts captive? Are you thinking upon that which is lovely and true?

I know it can be difficult but there is hope! And there is so much more freedom available to each one of you as you practice this skill. If God can help me overcome this in my life, then you certainly can be an overcomer also through HIM who gives you strength!!

Should you need help establishing this in your own life, schedule a session and together we can walk hand in hand with God and see freedom be your future!

Michelle x